If a woman is over 32, never married & has no children, there is something WRONG with Her?

I remember the first time I watched that clip in 2015 with a man making this statement “If a woman is over 32, never been married and has no children, something is WRONG with HER!” I was appalled, but if I’m being honest a part of me also thought, well I’m actually 29 right now, so I got few years left! Sad hey, but it’s honestly the truth, in that moment my worth was honestly wrapped up in such an ignorant statement.

Now as a 32-year-old woman, thoughts of society honestly often play on my insecurities, so during my devotion yesterday God took me to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Come on Bible scholars you know this chapter, as single Christians who hope to one day get married, we rather spend all day in the book of Ruth than to venture into Paul’s teachings in Corinthians on how some of us are “called” to be single. However, the revelation God gave me through this chapter is exactly what I needed.

Paul basically tells us, it’s better to stay single because we will be able to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. Now I have never seen myself as someone who would be sitting at a church praying day in and day out, so I figured Paul was NEVER really talking to me. Like Paul just seemed too extreme and being the last hopeless romantic, I just didn’t feel this was a call God had for me.

This wasn’t until I had several conversations with honest and transparent married women. The common trend for each of them was that they felt torn, divided and way behind the personal goals and dreams they had for themselves. Please understand me, these aren’t women who hated being married or thought they made a bad decision to get married and have children they were simply sharing their heart.  They openly shared how hard it is going after what you feel purposed to do while balancing the responsibilities of being a wife and a mother; this was Paul’s point all along.

As a single woman I had the freedom to obtain two masters degrees, travel the world, become an author, produce 3 stage plays, deliver a TED Talk and the list goes on.  It’s true you can’t sleep next to your degrees and awards at night, but you also can’t keep accepting society’s view that you’re CRAZY or that something must be wrong with you, simply because God’s plan for your life looks nothing like the life everyone, including you, expected it to be.  For the first time, I understood what Paul was trying to say, being devoted to God doesn’t mean praying at a church all day, it means actively being able to pursue the purpose God has for your life, without having to feel divided, torn or way behind.

God wanted to remind me that Marriage isn’t a reward and Singleness is NOT a punishment. Both of these seasons have triumphs and struggles. Society points a finger at single women so much, constantly telling her that something is WRONG with her, its hard not to be insecure about this stage of your life. There are a million self-help books and “training” courses on how to be a wife when what a lot of us need to simply do is open up the bible and sit at the feet of Christ and let him reveal HIS purpose for this season of our lives. Giving God the keys to comfort us, guide us and fill us with His grace during the trying times we often face.

Today will make my 7^th Valentine’s Day as a single and why do I even know that; because I have often allowed society to control the way I feel about by marital status. Today I’m taking back that power, like the woman’s response to the clip! “If you are 32, never married and have no kids it’s because YOU ARE A BOSS!” There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING wrong with you or me. It doesn’t mean that you won’t or don’t want to ever get married either, it just means whether you do or not, you have realized that being devoted solely to God in this season, as Paul says can be a good thing!

Now next year if you see me boo’d up, please don’t come for me, I said I understand my call to “singleness” during this season, not for life! Lol, But honestly whether single, married or engaged, let’s all do our best not to allow society to determine where we should or should not be at this point in our lives. Valentine’s Day is just as day, so stop putting so much pressure on yourself today or any other day! Life is meant to be enjoyed, not compared!

5 Things I plan or have done to make this trying season easier!

1. Focus on Purpose and Goals – Do a Vision Board 

2. Talk to married Friends about the realities of Marriage – Schedule a Lunch Date

3. Trust God's timing - Spend quiet time with God

4. Stop subscribing to society's plan for your life – Take a break from Social Media 

5. Brainstorm creative ways to take the love you have and shower others with it – Buy gifts or write letters to family & friends

If this blog has touched you in any way or if you simply want someone to pray with you, I would love to hear from you. Let's connect at kerelpinder@gmail.com!