I kissed my 20’s goodbye: 30 Lessons I learned in 30 years

Like most 30 year old women, I thought I would be at a very different point in my life when I turned 30. However God had different plans for me. The quote that always makes me smile says; “You want to make God laugh, simply tell him your plans” lol. Despite my plans, God had some unexpected yet amazing things in store for me during my 20’s. I received a Bachelors, Masters and began a 2^nd Masters degree. I lived in 3 different countries, traveled to 4 continents and visited 11 different countries. I held a local and national beauty pageant title, I also got the chance to meet and interact with Hollywood actors and producers.  I wrote and directed an award winning play, taking it to Freeport and Nassau and I finally began a career that I love and moved into a condominium on my own all before the age of 30. So when I think about it my 20’s were pretty flicking awesome lol! There were not only accomplishments; there were also moments of love, disappointment and laughter. However one of the best things about my 20’s was all the lessons I learned along the way.  Anarstacia Palacious did this for her 25^th and I thought it was such a cool idea; I wanted to share with all of you the 30 things I learned in my 30 years on earth!

1.       Your relationship with Christ is the best relationship you will ever have – If I am honest Christ didn’t always come first in my heart. I use to say He did but he honestly didn’t. A lot of the times what I wanted came first, My boyfriends came first, and sometimes my friends came first. I didn’t realize having an intimate relationship with Christ where I sacrificed my wants for His needs would grant me so much peace and purpose; it was through Christ that I discovered the real me.

2.       Appreciate your time with your parents – My year challenge pushed me to begin weekly lunch dates with my dad and encouraged me to spend more time with my mom. It’s weird as a teenager you just wish your parents would just leave you alone. In your late 20’s you learn that having your parents leave you for good is actually one of the scariest things you could ever experience. Therefore I cherish my relationship with my parents so much more today, especially because I don’t live with them anymore. So every moment means that much more.

3.       Try something new - The first time I decided I was going to be in a pageant at 22, with absolutely NO pageant experience or prior interest. I got a lot weird looks, a lot of; “Are you serious?”” You know how much weight you have to lose? “”Aren’t all them chicks dumb?” “What’s the point?” Pageants were not glitz and glamour and I will admit I did develop a few bad habits here and there lol, but it also taught me a whole lot about who I am as a person, what I love to do, what I was good at and how many lives I could touch along the way. Trying this new thing was one of the best decisions I ever made! Don’t let people hold you back from trying something new.

4.       Travel the world - There are 2 more continents on my bucket list, including a dozen other must see countries and cities throughout the world. We are no longer limited to, as Bahamians say “foreign” aka Miami. And btw, Miami isn’t the only place that is foreign; the whole world is foreign, lol I digress. My point is we have so much more means to see the world now of days, why not take advantage of it. When you meet people from all walks of life that you can exchange stories about your adventures throughout Italy with, or How you stooped to use the bathroom in China and how the French are utterly upset with you when you come to their country and can’t speak a lick of their language. This is when you know you have added a substantial experience to your life, one that you will never forget!

5.       Remember everything is revealed in its time – Sometimes we cry when things don’t go our way. I’ve lost some things and wondered at the time why God didn’t give me what I asked for. Only to reveal years later he showed me exactly why it didn’t happen the way I wanted to. Every time you get tempted to get anxious about God’s timeline read John 13:7

6.       Seek out a mentor - In every aspect of your life a mentor is crucial to guide you through the things we may not be able to see for ourselves. I have a spiritual mentor, career mentor, artistic mentor and an overall mentor for relationships and general life decisions. Each strong enough to help guide me when I am not strong enough to guide myself.

7.       NEVER stop growing – When I began my 2^nd Masters many people questioned why. However I couldn’t let the opinion of others stop me from pursuing something I knew would add value to my life. Whether its school, a video log, a new book, a seminar or conference I always jumps at the opportunity to learn something new. To me growth is everything, the only things that is constant is change. Therefore one of my number 1 goals is to never stop growing!

8.       Stay out of your feelings- Don’t make life decisions on temporary emotions, I use to be the Queen of getting all in my feelings and honestly I sometimes have one or two relapses. The truth is feelings are temporary and fickle. How we feel is important, but we can’t let our feelings keep us in situations we need to walk away from or keep us from situations that we need to take advantage of. Make your decisions based on your direction from God, not from your feelings.

9.       Treat people how they want to be treated – I was in a seminar that made me look at the “golden rule” in a different way for the first time. We were always taught “Treat others, how you want to be treated”. But what if I don’t want to be treated the same way you want to be treated. Maybe you like tough love; maybe I need someone to give me the same news in a more compassionate way. Take time to learn others, respect who they are as a person and treat them how you know they would want to be treated.

10.   Life isn’t always fair -Things won’t always go your way , when the curtain closed down in front of me the first time I did Miss Bahamas. It felt like my world had ended. Top 10, you know how hard I worked. However God taught me so many lessons through that pain. In fact my greatest blessings came from some of my greatest pain.  So it’s true, things won’t always go your way, but just trust the process, I guarantee you, it’s leading you to your purpose!

11.   Be spontaneous – I have to admit, I am an avid planner, this is a new thing for me and although I am not completely giving up on a planning lifestyle, I am encouraging you to join me and not be afraid to sometimes live in the moment! I got up one more morning and took a flight to Freeport to surprise my mom for her birthday. Start with baby steps it can be exhilarating!

12.   Don’t be envious others – Take a break from social media and obsessing over the life that people want you to see. They don’t show you the fights with the husband they love, the long hours at that their new job that they simply adore, nor do they show you the bags under their eyes after endless nights with their adorable new born baby. EVERYONE has good days and bad days. Remember that the next time, you get envious. The bad days aren’t on instagram or FACEBOOK! Had to remind myself of this a few times and so should you!

13.   Don’t settle for good enough, you deserve the best - In relationships, in your career, in where you decide to live. The world is your oyster, don’t be picky but don’t miss out on that rewarding feeling you get when you know something is right because you just couldn’t stand the wait. 

14.   Love can be a beautiful thing -Don’t be afraid to fall in love or fall in love again – A lot of the best moments of my life have been with people I shared a relationship with. I don’t regret any of them nor do I hold any malice against them. They have each taught me something that I will take with me for the rest of my life. Love can be a scary but it can also be a very beautiful thing!

15.   Be selfless not selfish - It was always about me and I admit this is something I still try very hard to correct. However you can’t touch lives unless you learn to make it about others and way less about you.

16.   Dreams do come true - There are many dreams I have seen come true to form. Meeting people I always wanted to meet, I became an AKA, beginning my career and winning Miss GB. I can sit for hours and rave about God’s favor but I think you get the point.  However I do have my moments of doubt as well so when I do get discouraged about things I desire I am reminded of God’s favor and the times when he made my previous dreams come true.  

17.   Take the time to enjoy the simple things in life, Good wine, Good food and Good conversation – If you know me and know me well. It my last year of my 20’s I have began to appreciate the finer things in life. “Tuning up “in a club does not move me AT ALL. I’m not saying I will never dance at a party again with my friends but honestly my idea of a good night is simple. Good wine, Good Food and Good conversation!

18.   Time alone is golden - I use to HATE alone time and now I LOVE it. Seriously I think I am too extreme at times because I honestly grave it now. I can always tell when I begin to get irritable I have had my “people-fill “meter. However that is something I have to now tip the scale back to. As my friend Paul w would say “Everything in moderation” lol. However if you were like me, trust me when I say time with yourself is one of the best things you can do. “If you don’t like spending time with you, why should anyone else want to?”– Dr Myles Munroe

19.   Forgive yourself and let go – I have made some mistakes, I have loved and lost. One of the reasons I wrote Sarah’s wedding was because I was going through the process of trying to forgive myself. That’s why I wrote about totally flawed characters, I think so much people related to it, because that’s really what we all are; beautifully flawed. However no matter how many times you mess up, you still are a character worth rooting for!

20.   Be grateful - It was the only world that kept coming to me this morning. When I realized I was actually 30! Grateful. ..Grateful to be alive, Grateful for my family, Grateful for my career, Grateful for my home, Grateful for my health, Grateful to be able travel, Grateful for really good friends, simply GRATEFUL!!

21.   Read More – In the last few years I picked up a very good habit of trying to read one new book each month, Even though I don’t always get to stick to my commitment the amount of knowledge I have gained from John Maxwell, Andy Stanley, Myles Munroe, Joyce Myers and countless others has been so beneficial

22.   Get to know you, before you try to get to know someone else - We know our favorite color and maybe even which job we would like to have. But when I really learned my purpose in life, my passions, my values, what makes me who I am. I realized that every time before that I tried to get to know someone without knowing me, it was so easy to lose myself because I didn’t know who I was. Learn you and then take the time to learn others.

23.   You can’t be everything to everyone – We all have a lot of interest but we have to remember to balance everything we love to do. We also have to learn how to be focused. I often describe myself as a Jack of all trades. However I have been seeking a more balanced life lately, before the other phrase proves to be true. Jack of all trades, master of none. I want to master my talents and gifts. Master one before moving onto another.

24.   Don’t judge others because they sin differently than you – You so judgmental man Kerel. Yes this is another flaw that I must work on. It again comes to you having to stop putting your expectations for yourself, your wants, and your struggles on others. “How can they not see that’s not good for them?” I have often said. Well the same way you didn’t see the things that were not good for you. We all have our struggles therefore a lot times I have to learn to simply shut my mouth and just pray for the person instead of casting judgment against them. 

25.   Glean wisdom from the elderly people in your life- All of my grandparents have gone on to be with the Lord. So I miss that elderly wisdom and even though they are kind of old school sometimes. I take great appreciation in any elder that wishes to share their knowledge with me.

26.   Write the vision make it plain – Don’t just talk about it be about, my vision board that hangs over my bed is my visual goals greeting me every morning. Crazy thing I have already seen some aspirations turn into reality. Living on my own, new career, my play and meeting Meagan Good and Devon Franklin. I am telling you write the vision and make it plain

27.   Journal your journey through life – I’ve talked about it in previous blogs but journaling every morning is one of the best things I ever began to do. To see the growth or lack of growth lol. In some areas really helps me to be completely introspective about whom I am. Where I have been and where I hope to go! It’s how I talk to God

28.   Never let age, race, gender or your nationality limit you from achieving your dreams - If your dreams don’t scare the heck out of you then they’re not big enough. – Simple. I don’t want to just impact the Bahamas; I want to impact the world. 

29.   Learn what your 5 core values are in life and reflect on them as you make new decisions – My core values are: God, Family, Career, Growth experiences, and Health. In that order. If God isn’t in it, I don’t want to get with it. I can’t enter a friendship, romantic relationship, career or business partnership if you don’t recognize these and respect it

30.   Chase purpose not paper – I never want to work a job again. My career is fueled by my passion and purpose. I genuinely feel that God is using my gifts to help me make an impact on the world. It’s not about the status of the job, the amount of money you make or who thinks you are important and who doesn’t. The only person who matters is Christ. I don’t have all the answers right now but I do know that I feel a sweet peace, because I know I am currently where God wants me to be. 

So farewell 20’s you have blessed me with a great amount of Joy. Hello 30’s I’m excited about what you have in store!