He does EXIST!!!!!

I remember one time during a book club meeting. I said the next time I date I don’t want the guy to just go to church but I want to date someone who has a real relationship with God. I remember one of the ladies laughed and said “You actually had a man who went to church; you can’t even find that these days, I would be lucky if I could find a man who went to church, but a real relationship with God too, that’s a bit too much to ask for”.  This statement reminded me of Proverbs 18:21: “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”.  We often allow the statistics that tell us 70% of African American women are still single today, scare us. Even an old episode of Oprah quoted a similar statistic and you know everyone is listening to Oprah. Truth is when a lot of single women talk about the dating pool they tend to say that there are no available men they are either gay, married or in jail. It’s a sad state when this is the mindset that you walk around with everyday. No wonder women are constantly screaming like Charlotte off Sex and the City and saying “Where is he already??” or “I just don’t believe he exist”.

 So because of this, I wanted to take a minute to remind you that “He does exist”.  I was given this blog title in my heart two months ago and when I say I struggled with accepting the assignment, I mean I struggled, asking God how in the world I can share on something I don’t even know if I believe in. God said well you better spend the next few months rebuking that doubt, because I want it to come from you, so ladies and any men who may need the encouragement as well, I  want to tell you He/ She does exist! So..

Remove the doubt: 2 Corinthians 5:7: “For we live by faith, not by sight.” Take your mind off the statistics and place your mind on heaven. We all have our own journey to bear and you may be sitting there saying; you don’t know how hard it is to believe, I’ve been single for 5 years, for 10 years or for some even 15 years. Hunny, Devon Franklin was celibate for 10 years, waiting until he met the one he felt God designed for him. He got married at the age of 34 and now he’s married to the beautiful Hollywood Actress Meagan Good who also didn’t get married until she was 31. So when you become discouraged remember that God has not forgotten about you. Remember the last time you prayed for a new job and God delivered it to you. When you prayed to graduate from school and God brought you out or for that new apartment that he blessed you with, whatever it was, if God could answer those previous prayers what makes you think that when it comes to your love life He all of sudden goes mute! The simple fact that God exist should be comfort enough for you to know that “He exist”.

Work on you: In the mean time work on you. I don’t think I can say this enough. I think the scary thing is we often are lying to ourselves thinking we are so ready for a relationship when we really are so jacked up. If you are insecure, selfish, needy/ thirsty and lacking of a true relationship with God believe me when I say you are not ready for a relationship. I don’t care how many different ways you try to skin a cat, you ATTRACT what you are. If you have trust issues, you will attract someone who has trust issues. If you lack purpose, you will attract someone who doesn’t understand theirs. So maybe it’s not God holding up this person. He knows you will mess it up if he brings you this person while you are in this state of dysfunction; therefore He is simply waiting on you to take some time to work on you. Stop despising being single and admit to God if you haven’t brought them yet, that means I still have some work to do. Accept that you may still have some assignments to fulfill and ask God to help you understand them so that you can be ready for that season, it’s not that “He doesn’t exist”, maybe you’re just not ready for him.

Pursue Purpose: After you get rid of all of your hang ups, you will begin to realize you were created for a greater purpose that involves more than just marriage. We all have a calling, a gift or a passion that will inspire and help others to know and grow closer to God. You may be a writer, a stylist, inventor, motivational speaker, or have the ability to relate well with older people or to relate well with younger people, an entrepreneur. No matter what your calling is, you should find a way to use it to bring honor and glory to God. When you begin to get on that pursuit, you won’t even realize how your life will intertwine with your partner in purpose. Dr. Myles Munroe said he chose his wife Ruth because she didn’t need him. She was so busy in her purpose he was attracted to her vision. Ladies if you consider yourself a Queen, stop holding on to that joker and get yourself ready to meet your King. Start pursuing your purpose!

Let it go: During my season of book club I thought of this quote that I had to learn to live by: “Just because he is a good guy, doesn’t mean he is my guy”. Sometimes we hold on to that ex-boyfriend that we so thought we were going to marry. That guy we passed up a few months ago, that must have been the “one” because no other one has showed up yet. Trust me ladies if a guy wants to be with you, he will pursue you. So if your ex isn’t calling you and ready to be serious about loving you as Christ loves the church, then boo boo chances are he is not for you, let it go. It doesn’t mean he isn’t a good guy, it doesn’t mean he won’t make a wonderful mate; he just may not be your mate. Sometimes we miss amazing things that are right in front of us because we are so consumed with the past. If this person was so meant for you, God will randomly bring him back when you least expect it, in His time. So in the meantime, pursue purpose, don’t stalk the facebook and instagram page, and tell your friends stop giving you the 411 on the new girl he is with and LET IT GO!  If you truly believe that “He exists”, you will be able to let go of the one that wasn’t a part of your purpose in the first place.

Set your standard: I’m not talking about 5’9 with brown eyes, shine like the sunshine, I’m talking about setting a standard to not date a man who hasn’t first committed himself to God. Make sure your deal breaker is the fact that he lacks purpose and vision, not that he drives 1999 Honda or doesn’t make a 6 figure salary. If you have a list, make sure you are everything on that list. I watched Tony Gaskins series “Where is he already?” and the guys said with his own mouth, if they felt the girl was really worth it they would wait. However as women we sometimes get so desperate and excited when we feel we “Finally find a good man”, we drop our standards quick. You want a guy in the church, but when things get heated instead of exercising self-control, you let your standards go. If you want someone with standards to pursue you, then you need to get some. Will there be guys who say I can’t do this if you want to be celibate, you bet there will be, but if he can’t accept that then he is not a man of standard and he is also not the one for you. I have two things that have helped to set the standard that I have set for my life so if you’re interested, with urgency I ask you to watch. “I will wait for you” by Janette… ikz and “The 5 ways to identify your Soul mate” By Pastor Toure Roberts. These will help you to evaluate if the one your currently with is right for you and if the one you’re looking for will fit you!

Start at 4:00 mins in to hear the guys Feedback! 

Keep Calm and Date again: He’s not going to be perfect, so don’t be afraid to take that step to date again. Tony Gaskins who has a million followers on instagram and only follows back one person; his wife, confessed that he had over 100 women he slept with in his past. However when he met her she set a standard, she refused to settle for less and when he saw she was serious about leaving, he knew he wasn’t prepared to live a life without her. I’m not telling you to go and marry someone who sleeps around, but I’m reminding you that we all have a past. If that man is currently serious about committing his soul to God, then don’t kill him for the mistakes he may have made in the past. He’s not going to be perfect, and guess what neither are you. Pray about it and if you feel a peace, and he currently checks out your standards feel free to pursue. Yes your heart may have been broken before, but if you take the time to heal and I urge you take the time to heal, believe it exist and open up your heart to love again, it can happen for you. If you meet someone who says I want to know God better. Pray for him as a friend on the side because that growing process can be painful and there are some things they will need to discover on their own first. But if you meet someone who is currently pursuing their purpose and your purposes happen to intertwine, don’t be afraid to collide with what might be your destiny.

Stop looking at the world and saying I can’t see how he exists, one girl’s nightmare just might be your dream come true. You don’t know how or when God will cause your paths to connect, so stop worrying and rest in Him. If more women, begin to believe that “He exist” and that I don’t have to lower my standard or share a man to find a man, then men will have no choice but to step up to the plate. Men want quality women, but if they can get "quality" without being held at a certain standard they will take it. So when we stop being thirsty, anxious and feeling lost without a man, the guy created for you will pursue you because he knows you are worth the wait. 

I use to be excited about marriage because I had every detail picked out for my wedding, and then I wanted to get married because I would have someone to come home to every night, time alone taught me that marriage is so much more than that, it’s not just about a wedding, or having someone to spend time with, marriage is a MINISTRY!!. This covenant is not something we should take lightly, so even though it gets hard, I want you to trust God during the wait. Don’t kill time with Joe blow, because your Adam is taking too long, trust the wait. So if this is for you, I wanted to take the time to remind you, that God hasn't forgotten about you. He sees the tears you cry, he knows every night you go to bed lonely praying for him to send your mate. He hears you, He loves you and wanted to remind you to keep pursuing your purpose, keep loving Him with all your heart and in due season He will blow your mind! 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, thus saith the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.! 

If this message has touched you and you just want someone to pray with you, be sure to email me at kerelpinder@gmail.com. Love and Blessings!